i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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