Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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