One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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