Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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