i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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