Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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