i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I want to fling myself into the sun
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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