I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
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When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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