I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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