This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize