dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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