Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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