My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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