Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize