nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
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I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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