We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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