I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
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he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
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I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We don't watch enough power rangers
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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