He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
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Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
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I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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