At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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