I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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