"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize