I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
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There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
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Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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