Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
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My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
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By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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