Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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