sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
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Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
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You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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