i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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