I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I checked into jail on foursquare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Randomize