thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
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Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You have to summon your inner elephant
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
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On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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