why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
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She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
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I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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