My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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