why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
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trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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