I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
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Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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