I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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