You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize