You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
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You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
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FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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