Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
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Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
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Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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