The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize