omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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