We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
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I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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