Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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