Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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