That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize