can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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