it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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