they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
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okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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