Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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