Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
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In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
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I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize