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your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
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