I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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