I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
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also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
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I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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